Mission accomplished! I, Deadpool, have created the ultimate Deadpool video game masterpiece! I call it…wait for it…DEADPOOL! It’s pretty much the greatest thing I’ve made (besides my ill-fated root beer float hot tub incident of ’93) and is available now in popular retail establishments and most major chimichangerias (like a taqueria…but with chimichangas!) across North America. Oh yeah, and those video gamey and comics guys at High Moon Studios,Activision Publishing, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Activision Blizzard, Inc. (NASDAQ: ATVI), and Marvel Entertainment kind of helped, too.
“I’ll never forget the day I threatened convinced Peter Della Penna, the head of High Moon Studios, to make a kick-ass, third-person comic book video game with extreme combat and bikini-exploding action, starring me,” said Deadpool, Big Chief and Head Honcho of Things & Stuff regarding DEADPOOL at High Moon Studios. “Peter looked me lovingly in the eyes and said in return, ‘Deadpool, I’ll do whatever you want; just please stop filling up my kitchen with pancakes!’ It was that first moment where I really felt like Peter and I had a connection – an understanding that has stuck with me to this very day. Coincidentally, his family dog stuck with me too, you know…for leverage.”
Fans can rest assured that the first order of business while making DEADPOOL was purchasing a life-size replica statue of me for High Moon Studios, so that my outstanding team of talented, dedicated nerd types could gaze endlessly at it in order to make the digital me look as good as real-life me. I also instructed them in the art of building a fast, fluid combat system that mixes all my upgradable bang-bangs with my mad kung-fu-chop saki skills and mutant abilities, so the Deadpool in DEADPOOL (i.e. that’s me…heh…), is a one-stop wrecking machine, perfect for stealth and balls-out explosive frontal assaults alike. Forget walking away from explosions in slow motion – I jump right into them to see how hot they are…REGENERATIVE HEALING FACTOR, baby!
I also filled a windowless room with terrifying spiders and locked…er…hired veteran Deadpool writer Daniel Way and provided him with really, just a stupid amount of spiders a “package” to convince him to pen a script that would befit Marvel’s most lovable character’s debut as a leading man. DEADPOOL is the rare game that plays with you while you play with it, delivering a $#!t ton (it’s just a better system of measurement, people – I can’t stress that enough) of fourth-wall-eviscerating humor voiced brilliantly by yours truly, doing a bang-up imitation of what it would be like if a young up-and-comer I discovered named Nolan North were trying to sound like me (Got that?…).
I am currently available and accepting dating offers – please send full-body shots. In other news, my DEADPOOL video game is also now available for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft and the PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system for $49.99, as well as on Windows PC for $39.99. If you’re not into hard, packaged goods, the digital me is also available for digital download (Did you think I wouldn’t diversify my distribution network? In this economy? Newbs!) on the PlayStation®Network for the PS3 and Steam. I will also be available later this summer on Xbox LIVE® Marketplace for the Xbox 360. And of course, I…DEADPOOL, am rated M (Mature) by the ESRB! Because if there’s one word that describes Deadpool, it’s “mature.” Want more information?